How We Got on the Same Page Financially

My husband, and now business partner, Shean and I started dating shortly after high school, so in a lot of ways, we've grown up together. I know that's not everyone's story, but it's given us a unique perspective on how we've learned to get aligned, especially when it comes to money.

Personality-wise, we're very different. Different wants, different goals, different ways of thinking. And honestly, I think that's something a lot of couples can relate to.

For me, I've always naturally leaned toward being pretty tight with money. It's something I'm still working on because I've realized a "don't spend" mindset can easily turn into saving just for the sake of saving, without much intention behind it. What I'm trying to focus on now is saving with purpose and spending in ways that actually support the life we want to live.

The biggest shift for us came when we stopped focusing on where we disagreed and started building around what we both wanted. Once we had a shared vision, many of those differences in opinion became much less important, and so did most of the disagreements (for the most part 😉).

Here are a few things that have helped guide our financial decisions:

Use our money in alignment with our values

Not just accumulating things, but actually spending in ways that improve our day-to-day life. Maybe this is hiring something out to have more time with your family or maybe it’s just saying no to something you don’t actually want to do so that you can say yes to the thing you value.

One habit that's really helped is reviewing our spending at the end of each month or year. Looking back at where our money actually went helps us make sure our spending reflects what matters most to us, not just what happened in the moment.

Live within our means

This has always been important to me. Life is stressful enough, and I never wanted money to become a constant source of pressure or for debt to dictate our decisions.

Since we've known each other, we've always had a good understanding of what was coming in each month and what our regular expenses were. Admittedly, this was a lot easier when our college rent was $110 a month.

But regardless of income, knowing where your money is going has always been one of the foundations of our financial life.

Have a plan

We both like knowing what we're working toward, and I would say most people do.

Having a plan gives us clarity on where to save and invest, and just as importantly, it gives us permission to spend freely beyond that.

We talk openly about what we would like our retirement to look like or what needs are upcoming in the next few years and this is all part of our plan. 

One thing I've found is that a good financial plan gives each person room to be themselves. You can have different hobbies, interests, and spending habits, and that's perfectly okay, if everything is in line with your plan.

Shean loves golf and everything that goes with it. While I love being outside with our family, I'm still trying to whack the ball with very old hand-me-down clubs from a family friend. My interest, and ability (ha!), isn't at the point where I want or need a nice set of clubs. I'd much rather spend that money on something I personally value more.

And that's perfectly okay.

Talk through the big purchases

Anything beyond a certain dollar amount, we take a step back together to determine the impact on our plan, if it’s worth it, and if either of us have concerns - and we evaluate from there.

Money is one of those topics that people naturally feel passionate about, so disagreements are bound to happen from time to time. But I've seen firsthand how much changes when you stop focusing on who's right and start focusing on what you're building together.

Early in our relationship, we definitely had our disagreements about money.

But once we took the time to define what truly mattered to both of us, those conversations became much easier. We still have different personalities and different preferences, but because we have shared values and a shared plan, we're able to make financial decisions, both individually and together, with confidence.

There's an old saying, "Don't miss the forest for the trees." I think that's especially true when it comes to finances with a partner.

If you're on track to accomplish the goals you've built together, don't let every small purchase become a battle. It's easy to get caught up in individual decisions, but those decisions matter a lot less when they're made within a plan that's already moving you toward the life you both want.

Leah